tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
