just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize