Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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