It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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