You can't motorboat a personality
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
