I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I smell like Dick and happiness
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
