Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
