i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
