Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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