I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
