I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
