I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
