wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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