dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
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Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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