My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
