Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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