just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Success! We fucked roommates!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
