If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
