I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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