Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
