p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is Oprah even human
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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