Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
