i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
