Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
