Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
