Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
