I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
