I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
