Soap is not a condiment
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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