She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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