Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
