Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
