my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.