he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dating After Heartbreak
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.