i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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