checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.