i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.