Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
