Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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