i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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