her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
