I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
