I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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