I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We left an ass print on the piano.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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