but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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