I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
