why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize