I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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