quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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