All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
