So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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