Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
