Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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