I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
