i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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