I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
