in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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