We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
