remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
