Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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