She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
