I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
