She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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