Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
