Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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