I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's official drugs can't kill me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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